The Effects of Divorce on Children

“Divorce has become an American way of life only as a result of a recent and revolutionary change (Whitehead).” Divorce was uncommon through the 1950’s. It wasn’t until the 1960’s that the rate accelerated exponentially. This has created an extremely disheartening situation in which children are increasingly victimized by their own parents. Regrettably, children are often very young and psychologically immature. They are unable to comprehend the significance of the situation. Unfortunately, when parents decide to divorce, children will be the ones who will be affected the most. Susceptible to physical and emotional harm children are fearfully caught off guard as they are forced to deal with the emotional distress caused by their parent’s decisions. Sadly, “Ever year over one million children will suffer the divorce of their parents (Churchill and Fagan 2).” These children are obligated to deal with immense challenges because of their parent’s decision to divorce. Divorce affects children’s stability, imposes endless emotional challenges, and overall, impacts their ability to make sensible decisions. Parents should be mindful of the effects of their decision to divorce. They should look to ease the outcome of the effects on their children.

Divorce can be very destructive to a child’s well being. It is leaves children painfully isolated and overwhelmed by the drastic changes. It’s a fact backed by “Research that consistently demonstrates that children from two-parent families do better (Wildeman 5).” Sadly, the children’s well being is not taken into account when they are emotionally struggling. Parents tend to disengage from their parental duties and can have limited control for the impact that their conflict has on their children. “Approximately 40% of children born in the late 1970’s and 1980’s will experience a parental divorce (Davies and Cumming 387).”  Often parents do not place sufficient efforts into mitigating the unintended consequences of the impact they have on their children. Parents engaged in the process of divorce carry tend to hold a mitigated view that the emotional conflict is only a short-term effect, they surmise that their kids will benefit over time. “However, research indicates that divorce has a more prolonged effect on children (Bryner 201).” The effects that divorced parents have on their children is tremendously destructive and wide-ranging. It is critical to recognize the immense challenges that children face when their parents decide to divorce. Parents fail to grasp how their strong-armed changes fundamentally harm children. We live in a culture that often turns a blind eye to this triadic situation.  Divorce is irreversibly harming our future. “Studies have shown that children of divorce have more behavioral and conduct problems when compared with the children in intact-two parent families (Bryner 202).” Children are forced into this unfortunate situation and obligated to deal with the overwhelming emotional issues that accompany their parent’s decision to divorce.

The change that divorce brings to the family dynamics is incredibly damaging. Divorce, affects the entire family, especially children. “The effect of divorce on children’s hearts, minds, and souls ranges from mild to severe, from seemingly small to observantly significant, and from short-term to long-term (Churchill and Fagan 2).” Children who experience divorce show more sever behavior problems that are directly related to the factors associated with their parent’s discourse. “There are many contributing factors that impact the well-being of a child; the age of the child when the divorce occurred, gender, the level of conflict before and after the divorce, as well as the collaboration of the separated parents Landucci 10).” Issues that arise in the behavior of these children correlate with the difficult time children experience struggling to transition because of their parent’s decisions. Children begin to misbehave, as well as become disruptive, distracted and they may begin to show contempt for the parents that have caused them emotional harm. “This is a culmination of potential frustration and possibly anxiety relating to the divorce happening ( Landucci 11).”

In addition, the gender of the child plays a role in how children behave. “Girls tend to internalize feelings, where boys will actually act out on their feeling and emotion. Therefore, if a boy is feeling angry, he might act it out in the form of aggression or simply exhibit behavior problem (Landucci 11).” Children feel their parent’s emotional detachment and tension between each other. Shocked and immature they tend to act up because they are unable to express overwhelming negative feelings that are linked to their parent’s divorce. “Children’s emotional security has long been seen as influenced by the quality of parent-child relations (Davies and Cummings 388).” Children are dragged into the disagreements between parents, this causes the children to become more insecure and emotionally distressed. “A child’s emotional security also derives from the quality of the marital relationship. (Davies and Cummings 388).” Further damaging children’s ability to develop emotionally able to deal with real life situations appropriately.

There are other important aspects to consider when we refer to a child’s overall well being. “When parents divorce the most difficult time isn’t necessary immediately after the divorce, but it is the worse in the 12-18month post divorce period (Bryner 203).” All the unnatural transitions and horrific dire changes, combined with emotionally unavailable parents coming out of difficult divorce, faced with the new reality of their life leave little time to parent and feed the emotional needs of their children. Financial difficulties, different living arrangements, and loss of time in a loving home with both parents add to a child’s challenges. The ripple effect of divorce can have dire consequences on children for their entire life.

Divorced parents should attempt to diminish the effects that divorce has on their children. it is imperative to be aware and to strategize and to use interventions to help make the transition of divorce for these children less traumatic. Action is warranted and desperately needed.  “Group therapy for children in the form of peer support groups focused on divorce has been consistently effective in studies to date (Bryner 208).” It’s imperative that children feel and understand that therapy is a positive atmosphere. “Children should feel that they are not alone in this process and that there are many other children out there that are facing similar challenges (Hermann and Remley 1).” Children need a safe space to express their feeling and a positive environment to heal. “It is important for children to talk about what they are feeling and share as many thoughts or questions as possible with their parents (Landucci 19).” Children that are able to express their feeling are better equipped to deal with the emotional issues created by their parent’s decision to divorce.

Additionally, divorced parents need to show their dedication to being a willing and able partners that are fully devoted to being in their children’s life. Perception of the situation is the new reality to the children, parents should establish clarity and help reduce anxiety associated with divorce. It is important that children learn that their situation is not unique and that others also live in similar situations. Parents should not be judgmental, but open to their children’s needs to share their unfiltered feelings and experiences related to the divorce. Children should not have to feel that they are alone.  “Divorce is not an isolated act (Bryner 201).” It is a difficult situation that affects the entire family. It’s essential that parents recognize the complexity of the emotional implications that divorce has on their children. “The divorce itself is just one step in a series of family transitions that affect the family and children. Life in the family before the divorce, life in a suddenly single parent family, and possible future marital changes, all have an impact on a child’s adjustment (Bryner 201).” Divorce poses tremendous emotional stress on children and the transition for them can be incredibly challenging. Unfortunately, “Five years after the divorce, one-third of children continued to function “poorer” that the had prior to the divorce.” Even worse, “one out of three children still found themselves entangled between the ongoing conflicts of their parents (Bryner 208).”

Divorce dramatically impacts the quality of life for the children forced to deal with decisions made by their parents. Though the situation may be enviable, it is important that parents work together to mitigate the negative impacts of divorce on their children. Unchecked divorce could have a ripple effect on a child’s entire future. Children should be encouraged to openly express how divorce makes them feel and what they think should be done to improve the situation.

 

 

Annotated Bibliography

Whitehead, Barbara, From the Introduction, The Making of a Divorce Culture, The Atlantic, 1997, thealantic.com

Divorce was rare and insignificant for most of our nations history. It wasn’t until after the 1960’s that the rate accelerated.  “Divorce has become an American way of life only as a result of recent and revolutionary change” Looking back at the 1950’s Americans began to challenge their ideas of what roles men and women should assume in the home. This change spurred the movement in the 60’s that has moved divorce into the mainstream of our culture.

Davies, T. Patrick, Cummings, E. Mark, Marital Conflict and Child Adjustment: An Emotional Security Hypothesis, Vol. 116, No 3, American Psychological Association, Inc. June 4, 1994, researchgate.net

Marital Conflict and Child Adjustment provides a clear look into how growing up in broken families effects the development of children and what can be done to relieve some of the pain for our children. And what parents can do to help them adjust to the situation that was not their choice. Dealing with the issue of divorce, parents need to reflect on the needs of their children. The decisions that parents make cover a wide range that affects their child’s emotional needs and their behavior development. Sadly, “Approximately 40% of children born in the late 1970’s and 1980’s will experience a parental divorce.” That’s a powerful statistic that should frighten any parent. It really helps the reader to grasp the dramatic shift in out culture and sets up the article to be centered around those being affected from the cultural shift. It’s a mandate to express the problem. It sets an expectation that the issue at hand is very common and the affects are wide-ranging. And for children the situation can is very terrifying. Children are naturally immature and have no idea of how to deal with the situation that their parents have created. which causes them act out because they are unable to express all the feelings that are linked to their parent’s divorce. “Children’s emotional security has long been seen as influenced by the quality of parent-child relations.” Add to the situation that divorced Parents tend to drag their children into the disagreements with the other parent only further causes the children to become more insecure and emotionally distressed. Children cannot deal with adult arguments. When you have a mother and father constantly bickering, children feel the tension. And its hard for them to connect emotionally a pit a wedge between a parent and child properly bonding. “A child’s emotional security also derives from the quality of the marital relationship. 388, Davies/ Cummings).” Further damaging children’s ability to develop emotionally able to deal with real life situations.

Wildeman, Christopher, Parental Incarceration, The Prison Boom, and Concentration of Childhood Disadvantage, Evidence from 1978 and 1990 U.S Birth Cohorts, No 49, May, 2006, igov.berkley.edu

The Prison Boom, and Concentration of Childhood Disadvantage is a riveting article on research of the parent and child structure viewed from the perspectives of single parent and two-parent families in different social economic settings and the effects on the children. The research dives deeper into the disadvantages and disruption caused to families through incarceration combined with low levels of education. The article reflects on the changes in the American family over the last 50 years and how that has affected families. According to the article “Research consistently demonstrates that children from two-parent families do better.”  As long as the parents do not cause conflict in the home. This report goes further into the causes of single parenting by presenting the view from uneducated low wage earning incarcerated fathers and the disruption that it causes. Overall it further drives the point of a need for a two-parent solution to raise children.

Bryner, L. Charles, Children of Divorce, Vol 14, No 3, Journal American Board of Family Practice, 2001, jabfm.org

The common view that our culture hold on divorce is inaccurate. Society holds the view that the effects of divorce are short term issues. This article challenges us to logically look at the effects of divorce from a mature perspective. Problems that in the past were viewed as being caused in the process of divorce need to be reexamined. The real cause of issues happens before the divorce begins and is accelerated after the divorce by selfish egotistical parents ignoring their parental duties. This article attempts to bridge the divide by offering solutions to transition families through conflict and to lessen to effects of divorce on children.

“When parents divorce the most difficult time isn’t necessary immediately after the divorce, but it is the worse later in the 12-18month post divorce period. The divorce process itself is not the reason children suffer. The changing dynamics and demands on single family homes is stressful. Children no longer receive to coveted parenting that they had prior and parents no longer work together for a singular out come. Children are left in confusion and frustrated with the change. Because they don’t understand what’s happening. “Research indicates that divorce has a more prolonged effect on children.” That is wide ranging and very negatively impactful. It had a ripple effect that is felt by the child his or her entire life. And when parent continue to argue through their children it creates identity and trust issues that affect their future relationships. Parents that no longer focus on their family or children leave them emotionally isolated and abandoned. They compensate by acting out. “Studies have shown that children of divorce have more behavioral and conduct problems when compared with the children in intact-two parent families” Unfortunately they are victims of circumstance. They did not make any of thee decisions that lead to the break down in their parent’s relationship. However, they pay the price of their parent’s inability to communicate. And the divorce creates deeper more wide ranging issues below the surface. “The divorce itself is just one step in a series of family transitions that affect the family and children. Life in the family before the divorce, life in a suddenly single parent family, and possible future marital changes, all have an impact on a child’s adjustment.” And sadly custodial parents may have to find themselves working longer hours at work or at a second job attempting to compensate for the financial issues that arise from divorce. “Divorce is not an isolated act.” So what can be done to create a n environment that may mitigate or relieve the emotional burden that children carry from the decisions that their parent selfishly made. They can start by focusing on their children. Unfortunately, divorce does not tend to encourage parents to focus on their children. However, action is warranted and desperately needed. “Group therapy for children in the form of peer support groups focused on divorce has been consistently effective in studies to date” Children of divorced parents should be allowed to openly express how divorce has negatively impacted their life. It it’s a very deep issue. “Five years after the divorce, one third of children continued to function “poorer” that the had prior to the divorce; he also found that one out of three children still found themselves entangled between the ongoing conflicts of their parents.” Divorce drastically impacts the quality of the decisions made by their parents. Divorce is inevitable for many parents. They should attempt to mitigate the extreme emotional impact of the horrible situation that divorce causes their children.

Fagan, Patrick F, Churchill, Aaron, The Effects of Divorce on Children, Marri Research, January 11, 2012

The effects of divorce on children is a scholar article that examines how divorce cause irreparable damage to the family, with strong emphasis on it effects on children. “Every year over one million children will suffer the divorce of their parents.” This causes harm to the child’s life that makes it difficult for them to recover from. Divorce hurts our culture and diminishes children’s futures because of the damage caused by immature parents acting out their selfish desires through their children. Neglect, an increase of crime difficulties learning are just some of the many impacts that divorce has on society. One of the greatest effects from “Divorce is that on on children’s hearts, minds, and souls ranges from mild to severe, from seemingly small to observably significant, and from short-term to long-term.” Weakened parent-Child Relationships occurs and is one of the primary effects of divorce. The support at home changes dramatically. Children receive less emotional support and hands on help from their parents.

Hermann, Mary, Remley, Theodore, Counseling Children of Divorce, ASCA School Counselor, January 1, 2008.

Mary Hermann and Theodore Remley focus on counseling school aged children in their Article, “Counseling Children of Divorce.” The article touches on the balance of privacy for children vs legal obligations of therapist It further dives into other figure that step up to take the abandoned roles of the divorced parental figures, as well as the effects of child custody issues. Its important that children understand that they have an unbiased adult that they can share their emotional problems with. Council should help the children to find comfort. “Children should feel that they are not alone in this process and that there are many other children out there that are facing similar challenges.” Children should be encouraged to address parental issues and should avoid getting pit between parents attempting to speak through them.

Landucci, Nicole M, The Impact of Divorce on Children, What School Counselors Need to Know, Research Paper, December, 2008

When parents decide to divorce they create problems for their children. Children are unaware of how to behave and experience behavior issues. Parents often lack the proper parenting skills to communicate effectively. “There are many contributing factors that impact the well being of a child; the factors are: the age of the child when the divorce occurred, gender, the level of conflict before and after the divorce, as well as the collaboration of the separated parents. Divorced parents can learn collaborate to create similar atmospheres in their separate homes to mitigate the dysfunction that caused their children. Without the proper communication children can experience a build up of emotional feelings that overwhelms them. ”This is a culmination of potential frustration and possibly anxiety relating to the divorce happening.” However, “It is important for children to talk about what they are feeling and share as many thoughts or questions as possible with their parents or school counselor. Its important to look for warning signs that children are struggling. Proper emotional support for children can help to mitigate the negative emotional feels that divorced parents create.