Subconsciously do we attract the type of love from what we see from our parents? Growing up we never have the mind sight on exactly what we look for in love until we see the love our parents give to each other. When kids grow up and witness their parent’s toxic relationships it tends to pass down to the children as that being a healthy relationship in their eyes because that is all they have ever seen as the ideal love. Our parents are our role models and they have a big effect on our social aspect. “Parents are our first example of how to communicate, develop, and maintain relationships, especially with another gender.” (Bustle). In “Never Marry a Mexican” by Sandra Cisneros, Clemencia has issues with men. She encounters she is finding love like her mother once did.
Clemencia was raised by her mother always telling her to never marry a Mexican, and to not make the same mistakes as her mother by marrying someone like her father. Throughout the story Clemencia has confusion about men because watching her mother behavior took a tool of her. Growing up with her mother and her unstable relationship had a caused of Clemencia and her view points on love. Her mother did not show her what a good example of real love is. In the studies of Bustle, “Individuals who had parents fight in front of them and who used abusive language may be more prone to follow in this pattern or even accept this from a partner because they are used to it.” She already falls in this category from hearing her mother disrespect her father about not finding a man like him. By doing this it shows Clemenica that men that are similar to her father aren’t even good enough to find love.
For this reason, Clemenica at a young age was a witness of her mother’s unhappiness towards her dad. She began to grow up with a sort of belief from her past if you date a Mexican they’ll know how to make you unhappy. Clemencia is aware of what her mother words did to her. For example, in the words of Clemencia in the passage “My mother did this to me. I guess she did it to spare me and Ximena the pain she went through.” (Cisneros 69) Her mother at a young age ruin Clemenica ideal of what could have been a real love and what she should look for instead of giving her negative feedback on what not to date. Clemencia grew up with her mother talk shaming her father can have put her in the studies found by Rebel Circus, “If you have a difficult relationship with your dad, the reason you might find yourself struggling in your romantic relationships with men is because you are carrying your childhood struggle into your adult life.” Not even being old enough to date her mother already put in her daughter head about toxic relationships and did not set an ideal type of love she should look for.
Furthermore, Clemencia mother betrayed her husband. She was being unfaithful while her husband was dying. To her daughter she is going to think it is normal being unfaithful or being the mistress in relationship. In addition, her mother would take her bedmate to live in the home where her daughters live which they inherited from her dying husband house. In a college research exam 300 college students on who is more and less likely to cheat. As the result became, “Students who had cheated on a partner were twice as likely to have had a parent who cheated compared to those students who had not cheated on a partner (44% vs. 22%).” (Science of relationship) She already put her daughters in the category of infidelity. Clemencia a smart educated woman only slept with white married men. She does not have an inner touch or know how to follow her inner feelings because this is what she witnessed from her own eyes from her mother. Her theory of sleeping with marry man is they are not willing to leave there whole living and wife situation. She is aware they are never going to take her serious in a relationship that they will continue to be bedmates and nobody will lose anything in the end.
At this point Clemencia being the victim as a child has lost trust in men, love and marriage. She does not know how to express her feelings. She would prefer to be a mistress rather than in a serious relationship. There is no hope for her ever finding love, she is a lost cause. “Not a man exist who hasn’t disappointed me.” (Cisneros 69) Clemencia had a mother who did not know how to keep her negative thoughts about her father to herself. Instead of keeping the children out of it her mother was very opinionated when it came to her father. According to Bustle this tends to have effect on the children. “A loving, supportive parent encourages a trusting view of others, whereas a hostile, rejecting, or unavailable parent erodes trust and safety and contributes to the belief that others cannot be counted on for love and support.” (Bustle)
In the end Clemencia cannot be change on finding love. She already knows she lost her trust in men, love and marriage for good. She was simply affected but her mother’s decisions and actions as a child. She fell in the category as some children’s do when they witness the wrong examples of love from their parents. Unfortunately, she was not able to break the cycle.