How does divorcement affect children? Young kids fall into the depression, anger towards people and change of attitude. Not only that, they sometimes change physically and mentally. According to the book “Family Transformation Through Divorce and Remarriage: A Systemic Approach” by Robinson Margaret, that kindergarten children at the age two through six years old blame themselves what’s happening to their parents and that they are afraid that they are going to get replaced (Robinson 159). There’s a lot of ways to talk to children about getting split or that there’s going to be different things happening. Mostly, parents don’t see that them splitting up will affect their children and how they are going to feel. Why can’t parents just think about kids feelings? Kids have feelings too. I believe that parents as adults should talk to their kids about what’s going on and figure out a solution that their kids won’t fall into a depression. Communication is always the first thing that parents should involve in the conflict. We shouldn’t ignore any signs that there kids show or any different changes in their lives.
A divorce was meant for two parents to split up because they are not happy or because they already have issues in the relationship that they can’t solve no more. For example, a “divorcement shouldn’t ruin children’s lives because their lives keep going with both parents; but spending different times with them” (Cantelo 3). Parents don’t see the bad behavior that the kids do when they fall into the depression. Sometimes it’s hard to get help when the parents don’t ask for it. There’s parents that are close minded and they let their kids do whatever they want. A divorce was meant for two parents to split up because they are not happy or because they already have issues in the relationship that they can’t solve no more. For example, a “divorcement shouldn’t ruin children’s lives because their lives keep going with both parents; but spending different times with them” (Cantelo 3). Parents don’t see the bad behavior that the kids do when they fall into the depression. Sometimes it’s hard to get help when the parents don’t ask for it. There’s parents that are close minded and they let their kids do whatever they want.
Teenagers now-a-days get in drugs because they think that drugs will take away their problems they have at home. For example, teenager think by doing drugs will lead them to a better place but in reality the problems are still there. Some parents take medicine for depression or if they are stress, but when kids see that they think is okay to take them too. Yes, most of the medication is good to calm adults down for their depression. Teenagers may need all the attention from the parents because being involved with a divorce is hard. Problems might have solutions for everything but some don’t. How long does drug take to calm your depression down? Well it only takes thirty minutes to hit your body but then it will go away. So yes, problems are still going to be there. Always find a solution for everything before you think about going to get drugs. Teenagers now-a-days get in drugs because they think that drugs will take away their problems they have at home. For example, teenager think by doing drugs will lead them to a better place but in reality the problems are still there. Some parents take medicine for depression or if they are stress, but when kids see that they think is okay to take them too. Yes, most of the medication is good to calm adults down for their depression. Teenagers may need all the attention from the parents because being involved with a divorce is hard. Problems might have solutions for everything but some don’t. How long does drug take to calm your depression down? Well it only takes thirty minutes to hit your body but then it will go away. So yes, problems are still going to be there. Always find a solution for everything before you think about going to get drugs.
Some toddlers starting school like preschool or kindergarten could understand what there parents are going through because they feel a negativity going around. In other words, “Preschool age children may be the most vulnerable, because their level of cognitive development does not permit construction of understanding of the context of the divorce. They are more prone to faulty perceptions, which may exacerbate emotional and behavioral problems, leading to increased fears of abandonment” (Emery 3). Adults might think that little kids don’t understand but they do. Little kids need the attention more than ever and they need to get communicated more. Little kids now a days now more stuff than adults, but sometimes they teach the parents stuff that they don’t know. Little emotions matter to everyone. And when parents don’t see it when it’s all late. Parents should teach their kids to bond with other kids because they feel like they are going to be lonely with no friends around. When each parent split up they need to teach their toddler to entertain themselves and to get along with other people. Some little kids are loveable and caring that there’s no need for them to change. There impression says it all when they are for other people.
How much could a little kid or a teenager take to be brave? It doesn’t take days or months for kids to heal from something rough that they are passing through. “Like bereavement, it doesn’t go away after a year or two. What’s more, unlike adults, keep growing , physically, emotionally, and mentally” (Croly 9). Yes, its really hard to forget about things especially those memories that nobody could erase. No human could forget about the past or what happened between there past relationship. Little kids have a brain like a sponge that they could remember everything. If you tell them one thing they will learn it in seconds. That’s why it’s good to educate them when they are smaller and talk to them like little adults. One example, my boyfriend Salem when he was little; he passed through something similar that his parents got a divorce but he didn’t know what was going on; until one of his parents told him what’s the situation. He didn’t like it at all; but he was going to get them back together so he made up things up for them to see more often. Salem’s parents didn’t see none of him feelings or how he felt from the inside. At the end he understood that they were not happy together and that it was better of if he got the chance to spend time with his father on the weekends. That’s why communication is important.
When kids get sick as in depression or mentally ill they don’t want to go out. They feel like everything they do, they will blame themselves for everything. For example, they think that they shouldn’t be here living in this world because they were a mistake. That’s what parents shouldn’t allow their kids to say. But it’s usually the younger kids that blame themselves for their parents divorcement. Not all parents because they didn’t come with a book how to be a perfect parent. Parents should always ask for help when there kids are depressed or when they could not handle the bad behavior of their kids. Some kids think that getting sick will lead their parents to get back together but they’re wrong. That’s what makes the problems get harder and more stressful. Kids in general try to help out but when it’s too late there nothing they could do but just to stay positive and forget about problems at home. All that parents care is about there kids health and for them to feel love. And not to blame themselves for anything. Honestly, there’s a lot of people out there that are willing to help out parents that are passing through a rough time. Yes, it will not take minutes, days or months to keep a strong relationship with their son or daughter. In some cases, parents don’t need help, it’s usually the teenagers that are the eager ones that don’t want to change.
All parents should have in mind that they have the power to switch their kids to a better person. According to some authors parents have really good techniques to put there kids there self-esteem and growth development back to normal. (Jann and Ford 2). It’s true, parents find different ways to keep there family motivated and find a great place for children to be happy. Most parents were raise different and they show their love by buying their kids toys or taking them out somewhere. However, taking there kids out is a good idea because they get entertain and there minds are just distracted by the games. Also, making up board games with there kids will be a great thing too because they could help each other out and talk more. Kids would love to communicate with their parents and have the feeling to trust them. Parents are meant to be trusted and be there for there kids as there “best friend” too. Honestly, kids need a best friend in there lives because they feel like they could trust someone and tell them how they feel. Most, kids communicate their feelings differently in playing, talking and smiling to there friends. Introducing yourself is also another way to communicate. Parents, have the roll to teach their children everything to stay out of trouble and not to think about any problems they have at home. Sometimes little problems could hurt little kids feelings and they would not focus in school.
To change a kid there attitude is hard because they think that they could treat others badly. For example, when the parents are arguing there child sees all this problems and they take it that there fighting because of them. And that’s how the attitude starts when they hear arguments at home. When the kid has a bad attitude that’s more likely for them not to have any friends. Sometimes parents struggle to change their kid their attitude because they are traumatized that there friends will treat them differently or if they take advantage of them. Apparently parents don’t know that there’s programs at school that could help their kids with attitude problems or anger issues too. Or sometimes parents are too embarrassed to ask for help. The government also provides this program that helps teenagers to straighten them up with their behavior by putting them to boot camp or putting them in juvenile to experience how life in jail is hard. Most kids learn the hard way but some learn the easy way. In general, teenagers will never change there attitude until something happens to them or they just want to live there life with anger. I don’t how teenagers like that will work with different people out there. When they grow up, things will not work out because there they will have that attitude that there future wife will not like it.
To summarize how the divorcement affect children is to communicate with them. Find different way to find a better solution for them not to fall into depression. Motivate your children and always give them all the attention they need. No matter how hard the conflict is parents should have communication with their partner or even ask for help. It doesn’t matter how old your child is try to take them out so they could entertain themselves. Don’t show any argument in front of the kids.
Blackstone-Ford, Jann and Sharyl Jupe. Ex-Etiquette for Parents : Good Behavior After a Divorce or Separation. vol. 1st ed, Independent Publishers Group, 2004. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=e900xww&AN=168364&site=ehost-live
Cantelo, Anne. It’s No Big Deal Really : A Parent’s Guide to Making Divorce Easy for Children. Anne Cantelo, 2007. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=e900xww&AN=233818&site=ehost-live
Croly, Jennifer. The Essential Guide to Children & Separation : Surviving Divorce & Family Break-Up. Lion Hudson Plc, 2013. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=e900xww&AN=632894&site=ehost-live