The way we present ourselves in meaningful relationships is based on what we have learned from people who teach us how to approach them. The people that usually teach us how to approach them is typically our parents and/or guardians that raise us to prepare us for long lasting relationships. In the development stage of life, which typically happens in the teen years according to psychologist, we trust our parents to answer our deepest questions on how to be happy with our significant other just as they did. In retrospect of this, how would a teen in their developing stage grasp the concept of marriage or meaningful intimacy if all the parent does is tell the teen that they were not happy in their relationship due to being in one way too young? Ripping out page 71 from the series of shorts stories of “Woman Hollering Creek,” the page comes from the short story “Never Marry a Mexican,” in which a young woman named Clemencia is told by her very own mother, who commits adultery to show no regards to relationship, that her youth was taken away from her because she married her father at a young age when he was older and ready to settle down. Is that any way to show a young woman how to build a good foundation for a life long relationship?
Breaking down the text from page 71, I started with the first sentence, “Because I married so young, mi’ja ,” to show how she would open such a derailing process of what true love is. According to Dr. Michael Hurd of Private Practice of Psychology since 1988, instilling remorse or showing regret cracks the foundation that is suppose to be built for the teen to show that lasting relationships is more than possible to find and can learn to also build trust with that person they choose to fall in love with. So while have this “crack” in the foundation, trust issues arise and teen starts to resent the concept of a relationship , not only towards their future love, but also towards family members which makes the teen drift more towards the path of being single, or at worst, cause infidelities to another relationship. And in a Mexican relationship, which I’m putting they are due to them being able to talk about the race without no racism, they usually go by the religious views of Catholicism and that should show that her marriage is already impure since being married under “God” means you love each other through thick and thin, not cheat with another man from your occupation causing infidelities to be passed on. Which later in the story she sleeps with her mentor, Drew, who cheats on his wife while she is birthing his child. But that’s another problem I will not discuss.
Clemencia’s mother then goes on to finish her quote, “Because your father, he was so much older than me, and I never had a chance to be young. Honey, try to understand …” Clemencia states that she stops listening to her mother and blocks it out. If that is not the worst thing to say about marriage, it probably will be up there with one of them. To address that to your child that had nothing to do with a mother getting married at young age, let alone ask to be born, is a low blow. The way she stops listening at the quote “try to understand,” is symbolic in the way of there is no understanding your choices when we make our own decisions in life. Early adulthood life is when every person goes out into the world and finds who they are in society. To And what we have learned from a child to the end of teenage years comes from our parents because they are the role models we are suppose to act. Referring back to the sentence “Because your father she already shows that the blame of her own actions is being placed on her own father. To try and justify that her (the mother) accusation is not false she stated that’s it’s because her father was older and she was young and he took her youth. In my eyes, the younger people can out run the older people if they feel like they are being mistreated. But this only shows Clemencia to make excuses for her own actions rather if they are morally correct or not which we see when she talks about how she wants to sleep with Drew’s son years further into the story. to be told what Clemencia was told by her mother can be really damaging, not only to her love life, but to her own mental health and can create mental stress to where she could be diagnosed with a medical mental disorder.
As I was wrapping this essay to a final thought, the words “try to understand” rang in my ears as I can hear multiple role model figures in my life say it as they try to explain how just their immoral action was made. I made a connection to it and thought to myself, maybe that’s our subconscious finally speaking up for holding back what we needed to say after all those long years of being in a relationship that was unwanted, but this is the only chance the subconscious got to talk and it wasn’t done. Maybe if we listen more to that little voice that said, hey I would not do that if I was you, the same voice wouldn’t turn into that crazy voice that is trying to justify the actions of being unfaithful towards their relationship, or become a crazy voice that never comes out to be heard and tells you, subconsciously, to do these bad things and to keep doing them and make more excuses on why you did them to just live a life of immoral lies. Speaking up and out about something that conflicts with your beliefs should be resolved when the idea comes about, not years later when it is way too late to do anything about it.
“The Pain of ‘Marriage Remorse.’” Michael J. Hurd, Ph.D. | Living Resources Center, 5 Jan. 2014, drhurd.com/2013/09/17/the-pain-of-marriage-remorse/. I used this webpage to see how remorse in a marriage is looked at if the problem never gets solved just like
Cisneros, Sandra. Woman Hollering Creek: and Other Stories. Alfred A. Knopf, 1992. I reference the story “Never Marry A Mexican” characters to use them as examples for my analysis on the the main charater’s (Clemencia) mother to show the remorse she had towards Clemencia’s father.
Rhea. “Redirect Notice.” Google Search, Google, 12 Feb. 2018, http://www.google.com/url?sa=i. Husband is calling. Oooo someone in trouble.
Doukopil, Tony. “Redirect Notice.” Google Search, Google, 18 Feb. 2018, http://www.google.com/url?sa=i. Hiding a wedding ring is slick dude.
Lahdar, Myrtle. “Redirect Notice.” Google Search, Google, 2018, http://www.google.com/url?sa=i. Down the shit hole.
Staufenberg, Jess. “Redirect Notice.” Google Search, Google, 13 Nov. 2015, http://www.google.com/url?sa=i. She gonna House wife his ASS!