The light over comes anyone at 11 at night especially when you see two facing you dead on. Nothing can stop them from coming closer only the inevitable hope that you won’t reach them. 8 months before that is when it all started, and I mean driving of course. Learning from my dad who is a trophy truck racing. It all started as off roading as a kid and finally led up to the moment behind the wheel. Tense with sweaty palms I started the car moving faster and faster until I was going about 20mph with the wind in my hair I was unstoppable. Soon my dad wanted me to be the designated driver and I thought it would be fine until he started freaking out over the smallest thing like driving over 25 or even singing until he got annoyed and started yelling so I dropped him off and left, no one wants to be around their drunk yelling dad so I left. It continued from there more and more nights being a dd for both my mom and dad, my mom was worse pretending she wasn’t drunk even though she was about to fall over with even the lightest drafts. So I stopped couldn’t handle them and stopped with that it got better, but I wasn’t I didn’t want to be home so I would continuously stay out every night to not have deal with anyone.
The nights got crazier going to las Angeles and back. Sleeping with girls that I didn’t even want to do anything with, but rebelling was the best thing that happened since my first-time driving. Even though I knew leaving wasn’t great it made me feel invigorated like a had a sense of perpous. I didn’t want to stop I had a girlfriend 3 hours away and every time I drove down there it was like she was the only person who cared and wasn’t just trying to use me, but she turned on faster than you can say “she screwed me”. I helped her so much she just always expected more and more trying to use me for
money. It started off with 20 dollars here and there until if became 100s and I couldn’t take it anymore, so I left. The girl that I trusted, and my own family didn’t make me feel like I had a place to go so I kept driving. Day in and day out just trying to do anything but come home and do something more than my life. Driving through the rain and snow to find something to but even when I did it just seemed right, I was at the end of my rope using girls as a distraction. Until the first time I was my grandma in the hospital with such low blood sugar she kept passing out. I Drove up the mountains in such a rush it only took 15 minuets when it usually takes 45 minutes. Seeing her laying down to what I thought could me being the last time seeing, I realized while I was running from the things, I didn’t want to be around I was also running from the people that I really cared about.
In a fluster with everything going on I just drove until a drunk driver crossed into my lane not more then 10 miles from my own house. I can remember it like it was only yesterday. It was about 11pm with a slight fog and I was headed home with my parents only about ten cars behind me on our way back from dinner only few days after the whole incident with my grandma. I remember looking at the other cars’ headlights like a deer into headlights not sure what do with a rush of adrenaline I got off the road thinking is someone was about to hit me it was better to get out of the way. With a “THUUD” I slammed into a tree snapping the front axle of the car and totaling it. Within a blink of an eye the guy was gone, and my Yukon was smashed with no hope of fixing it. My parents soon rolled up yelling “WHATT THE FUCK HAPPENED and ARE YOU OK.” I didn’t even know what to say with all the adrenalin being pumped through my system I freaked out in a fit of panic not sure how to control myself. We waited for the police officer to come and I explained my story and all he did was sympathize saying “how fortunate I was to walk away from that crash with no major injuries.” with the adrenaline leaving my body my back started locking up from the whiplash. I couldn’t do anything but lay down for almost a week straight until it stopped mostly, but residual pain continues till today.
I’m forever left wondering what would have happened if I just let myself go to the light that faithful night. Being lost into those lights like a deer I felt helpless with nowhere to go. I hope when you see that light you get out of it too once dusk arrives. When someone is about to take your life even if by accident don’t get stuck being a deer in the headlights, run. Don’t drink and drive because someone’s kid could be on the other side, stuck with nowhere to go staring at your headlights.
The Dusk Before The Light