Leonardo Avelar

Professor Ramos

English 010

March 6, 2018

misty mort 3

While going on with our lives we rarely talk about death or even think about it, and that’s okay we don’t expect to die today or a relative to die today we wake up every morning looking forward to our day and not think about the negatives about your day.  But if a loved one is dying and they are in a hospital, people don’t like the idea of their loved one dying or even the idea of talking about their death.I have only felt this once, and I asked myself  How do other people talk about death and why is it so hard talking about death if we know it is coming?


Imaging our death is unimaginable, and if you even think about you dying you come out surviving in our perspective. Talking about death is difficult for some people. Maybe some are in the hospital and have only a few years, months, weeks not it is it difficult for the patient it is also difficult for the family. In a Journal titled: Talking to Patients and relatives about dying written by Professor Rodger Charlton, we ask “Is it death we are frightened of or not being here.” Most people don’t think this type of question when we are healthy and don’t pay attention since death is a very long way down the road. But when we turn ill, we change the way we think, speak, and we also pray to god to help us get better or get stronger. Doctors say they are communicating with patients correctly although when they ask “what will die to be like?” in which we can not know even if you are a doctor.


When I was young two or three years old my uncle who I met for only like two years, left for Chicago, and he died when I was thirteen, my mother in tears when she heard the news, while I was not really in tears somewhat sorry for my mom. When she told me about it, I knew what death was I knew that we are all going to die at some point looking at the news hearing people dying believing in god if you are right you go to heaven wrong to hell. Some might of change their life views many won’t take as many risks and be more healthy make better choices. We all approach death differently it’s our life choices that make us live longer or closer death.

The denial of your death is what is a character defense mechanism of our personality, William Reich an Austrian doctor and a Psychoanalyst he calls it “ character armor.” we feel safe and pretend that the world is manageable and we hide behind this fortress of character. Patients can go in and out of their, The patient won’t talk about their death when it is time. Patients will tend to get more emotional with the people who are around him/she.

While the patient is laying on his/her bed, it will be challenging for the family to express their feelings. The willingness of talking can cause some effects like The fear of what another relative might say, the fear of loss, fear of saying the wrong thing and making matters worse, and of course denial we all don’t want a loved one to die. Reading a few articles and journals, communicating with the patient is essential, and websites are teaching how to open up conversations. One way is to give the person who is dying, the choice who they want to contact and gives them an opportunity to open up, express what he or she feels if they’re going to. As well we have had to think about ourselves and be prepared if a family member is not ready to let someone go than there are nursing staff to give a family member support.


Relatives of a patient will have a difficult time going on with their lives without seeing the person they used to see every single day. While someone is grieving, it will be hard to console him or her. Talking to people who went through the same thing of losing someone close, they could maybe understand and give you helpful advice for providing the strength to speak and accept that the person you love might die or is already dead and you are trying to move on another lesson is never to lose hope or forget. Some people die without believing in religion, and that’s okay if you want to give them little prayer hospitals can arrange a priest to say some words for the patient. Helping someone who is grieving is difficult, but saying the name of the deceased won’t make the relative any sadder though he or she may cry, offering hope saying that everything will be okay things will get better will allow making the relative less stressed and will move away from the pain.

Having the patient before his or her death is to plan end-of-life wishes trying to make them comfortable and not in the hospital hooked to plugs and wires. It will make it easier for the patient who is dying go in peace and allow the relative to remember her and enjoy being with him or her in their last few days.


Nobody wants to die just yet everyone wants to have a good day and not worry about their own life every single day, while we drive our lives are on the line we may be going the speed limit, but it only takes one bad driver to put you between life or death. It’s okay to talk about our mortality where do we want to get buried; do we want our ashes at the bottom of a beautiful lake or ocean. Also helping the patient who is in the hospital have her wishes as well.







UK, Hospice. “Talking about Death and Dying.” Dying Matters, Hospice UK, 22 June 2016, www.dyingmatters.org/page/TalkingAboutDeathDying.

“This website talks about how the fear and how to listen to patients and relatives how what the relative can say something that can affect the patient. There is no author but led by Hospice UK. I will use this to help me get information about the fears of the patient and the relatives and how you can help.”


Lakin, Joshua, and MDRachelle Bernacki. “Changing How Patients and Doctors Talk About Death.” Harvard Business Review, Harvard Business Publishing, 5 Apr. 2017, hbr.org/2016/12/changing-how-patients-and-doctors-talk-about-death.

“Talking about what the patient wants what this article is talking about how a doctors opinion on how patients should have their wishes fulfilled to be at peace. This website comes from an organization Harvard Business reviews, so I believe it’s a credible source. This article gets me analysis and numbers to get what people want.”


Becker, Ernest. “The Denial of Death.” Full Text of “The Denial Of Death,” Simon 8c Schuster New York, 1973, archive.org/stream/DenialOfDeath/DenialOfDeath_djvu.txt.

“This article is about how people deny that they are going to die. The author of this book Becker Ernest is an American anthropologist Prize-winning book, The Denial of Death. This book helped me research how relatives deny and how they use this as some form of defense.”


Publishing, Harvard Health. “11 Ways to Comfort Someone Who’s Grieving.” Harvard Health, Harvard Health Publishing, www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/11-ways-to-comfort-someone-whos-grieving.

“This article is how to help out a grieving person and a few steps on what to do. The author of the book is from Harvard Health Publishing, so I believe a reliable source. Also helped me view what a person could say to a grieving person.”

Charlton, Rodger. “Talking to Patients and Relatives about Dying.” British Journal of Hospital Medicine, Online, 11 Apr. 2017, www.magonlinelibrary.com/doi/abs/10.12968/hmed.2017.78.4.C61?journalCode=hmed.

“this part of the Journal helped me start my essay and what question to answer. The author is an undergraduate of primary care education, so he has information that can be useful.